injured

Wow! Its been awhile since i've updated, alot has been going on. I am at UC davis hospital, going on 2 weeks. I was airlifted here after shattering and breaking both my ankles and heels. So far i've had 1 surgery and my surgeon came down with meningitis so that puts my second surgery on hold for awhile. My left ankle is now held together with screws and plates. I'm going a bit stir crazy here but I have mastered getting myself to a wheelchair with almost no help.

God has had his hand upon me, when I first got here my blood pressure and breathing rate was very low and I ended up having to get a blood transfusion.

I'm not sure how long i'll be in the hospital but they've told me i'll be in a wheelchair for about 3 months and several months of physical therapy and possibly another surgery.

Please keep me in your prayers.
(916)703-8575

I got in an accident last night, I hit the guardrail going about 60 mph...Thank God I walked away with minor injuries. God for sure had his hand on me. My mom met me at the hospital and I heard her talking to somebody but I was strapped down and could not see who it was and turns out it was Bro. Krantz.

I don't even know what to think of that, I feel such Love for this family and man of God.

Prior to this I got to spend a few hours with my mom and sister, that was major awesome.

thats all for now.

i'm so angry right now for all the wrong reasons. Could be lack of sleep mixed with other emotions, i'm not sure yet.

wired and ready

i'm wired. its 6:12am and I have yet to sleep. I surprise drove to Oro and brought my sister breakfast before work, I didn't realize she had another almost 2 hours to sleep...oops.

so i'm wired and ready

being approachable

I always want to be somebody who is approachable, meaning, if somebody needs/wants anything they can always come to me...anyway...my train of thoughts are out of whack at the moment.

Job corps......hmmmm. Well, my 6 month leave is up July 21st, 1 day before my birthday and things just aren't going as planned, plus, I want to be a normal 23 year old college student and not somebody living in a makeshift prison called job corps and learning something I won't be doing forever.

i'm just without direction, I think thats my problem. Other news, I got to spend time with Holly today and LOVED every minute of it!!! She has been so supportive, she is approachable...I feel like I spelled that word wrong...hm, oh well. Its almost 9 and my bed time :)

leaving NorCal

l made the decision to move to Vacaville to be with my youngest sister. I miss her so very much and though I have family and friends here in norcal I feel a move would be good.

I know this quote is nothing new but I realized how true it is "the only thing constant in life is change" and this made me realize that I need to just buck up and deal with change. I've had so much of it within the last month that its making me crazy!

Once again i'd like to give a shout out to my sis Hollyanna...I miss you, like alot alot alot. Same with Kev and mom. I Love you guys!

I'm crying as I type this and can barely see the computer screen, I wish that I hadn't of messed up so badly but things happen and people mess up and once again I just need to buck up and deal with the consequences of my actions.

missing you...

well for those of you who don't know I ended up in the hospital for 7 days...there was fluid around my heart and it pushed my potassium up to 8...the doctor said he'd seen somebody die at a 6 from a heart attack and that it was a true miracle I was still alive. I had a stay in ICU and then to the step down critical care unit DCU then was released with a clean bill of health...I wish.

enough about that...i've lost alot of things and I don't know how to get them back. Alot of people. My world feels like its caving and i'm afraid of where its leading. I miss my family so very much, every one of them.

JC is getting closer, a few more weeks and I should be back but that doesn't change much. Except i'll have direction in my life.

ALL I want right now really is my sister...thats all.

more of an update.

I guess I should make time for a real update.

Going back to JC is getting closer and closer, i'm just waiting for the red tape to clear. Then wait for a bed to open and Wala, i'm back. I can't believe its been almost 6 months since i've been there. I remember when they put me on the medical leave I swore I would be back in a few weeks, nope, things change, things happen.

I've been out of the hospital for 4 days now and counting. My goal is to not go back at all. I'm still having some tummy problems but were dealing with that on an outpatient basis. I'm embarassed the doctors and all the nurses and staff know my name and face, thats no joke.

It was the Krantz official last day at Oroville church on Sunday, i'll miss them greatly but to know they aren't out of my life completely gives me comfort...or i'd stalk Bro. Krantz until I found him....heheheh.

I have to say he's been like a father to me, a wonderful Pastor and someone who cares when I haven't heard from my own dad in weeks. I am so very thankful for that.

Things are confusing right now, the fact that God is never changing and is always there gives me great comfort, one I could use right now.

thats all for now. I'm going to go back to surfing funny icons.

none for me thanks.

I won't be getting swine flu.

sadness and testimony.

sadness is starting to fill me. I know tomorrow will be one of the hardest days i'll have to face. Losing so much but knowing things will be okay give me hope.

feeling good.

Feeling good, still having some gut problems but other than that I feel good :) Once again thanks Oroville Hospital!!!

I'm sad that Dodds are leaving us...they're a very sweet caring family, I know they're going to good things in this life :)

And i'll be txtng you Sis. Amber!!!

aching

I woke up with puffy eyes, so swollen I could hardly see. My heart hurts beyond what I thought was capable. Where do we go from here? How do we keep going on?

World Scope

I attended my first world scope event this Friday and it was awesome. I think it was 3% of your time is spent in church out of a week so that means 97% is living for God outside of church, as in your walk with God isn't a church event. I wish I could explain it the way it is laid out in my head but no such luck.

but to me that was an eye opener...I don't know why, i'm sure other people have known that but wow!

laying them down.

Life is taking me for a ride...

what is it going to take to lay a few burdens down?

My new glasses

Don't hate...and no you cannot borrow them.

Part of the reality of life is hardship. That is not a negative statement. It is simply a statement of

fact. Every day brings new challenges. Living with the expectation that life will be difficult makes

hard times easier to deal with. When a family encounters hard times they will need to join

together and face the challenge as a team. They will need to be sensitive to the needs of

individual family members each of whom will face unique difficulties. Life is not easy, but having

a support system makes life that much easier.

I'm home from visiting Sarah, I had a really good time and met some cool people.

My license is suspended, finally, I was waiting for that paper for like a month. I wonder if that means I shouldn't drive? I'm bummed that they actually suspended it. oh well, i'll get it figured out tomorrow, nothing I can do about it right this second.

going to Vacaville

i'm packing to go see Sarah tomorrow! I'm SOOOOOOOOOOO excited!!! We have so many things planned.

You know your from California when...

1. Your co-worker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.
2. You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house.
3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.
4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Flower.
5. You can't remember if is pot illegal.
6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.
7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.
8. You can't remember is pot illegal?
9. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.
10. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.
11. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney… really IS George Clooney.
12. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.
13. You can't remember... is pot illegal?
14. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH."
15. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cells or pagers.
16. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.
17. HEY!!!! Is pot illegal????
18. Both you AND your dog have therapists.
19. The Terminator is your governor.
20. If you drive illegally, they take your driver's license. If you're here illegally, they’ll give you one.
Thought for today: According to the EPA, lead particles in the air in Los Angeles cause six thousand deaths a year. Los Angeles residents call them ‘bullets.

I drove Rachelle to Sac today, I thought I got lost and took a turn into China...I was getting afraid but luckily I saw the little sign that said OROVILLE like 2 hours later :)
directions aren't my thing and I tend to get lost.

I had a job interview today and tomorrow I actually spend a few hours to see if i'll like it, 6:30am seems to be my new waking time. I tend to get a sleepy headache around 2pm which just means i've been lazy for way to long!

I have just officially resigned from job corps, I got the confirmation email.

i'm having alot of mixed emotions, for some reason sadness is one of them.

home alone, wish mom wasn't out of town.

productive day

today has been productive, I wrote a list last night of some things I needed to do, they happened to be mostly in Chico and since my car is on the sick side I got up at 5:30am and went to Chico with my mom. Lots of time to kill.

I applied to 2 job locations and have an interview set for another in Paradise.

I'm trying to learn to enjoy boredom...well, not enjoy it but look at it differently.

Sandra and Erica are here, they stayed the night, it was just like old times. We've known each other for so long and were seperated because of sin for so long as well and now we are coming together to get right with God, we can be a strength to each other.

I Love them so and am so glad we are going to do this together!

mom and the fam had a meeting the other night, stripped me raw in my heart but now I can see things differently, it was a hard meeting but I respect my mom for it and things have to change and are going to change. Not saying its going to be easy and i'll fall sometimes but I have such a good support system that I can't imagine staying down for long.

its been a good day. I had a job interview to work for this cleaning company called "The Green Team." It sounds like an okay job and i'd be more than willing to take it. I've also applied to a few more places for receptionist jobs.

went to Trisha's baby shower, we are all so excited for baby Aiden James to come along!

its nearly 1am and sleep has yet to come. I've tossed and turned and cried and taken 3 tylenol pm and i'm still up. Wide awake isn't the word because i'm exhausted but my troubled mind won't rest.

The best things come at the end of a long,lonely and obedient road." ---Bro K

I just came across this quote as I was making plans to leave Oro, since being home from the hospital(all of a few hours) i've scrammbled to get out of here, to leave everything i've been working on. It feels like i've crashed and burned and I hate that feeling, I want to go back to job corps so badly right now and for all the wrong reasons.

then I ran across this quote after not hearing it since it was spoken and the person that spoke it is wise but i'm angry and my feelings hurt and I think i'm valid in feeling this but I need to choose the best way to handle the situation.

sorry if this makes no sense, my brain feels fuzzy...alot fuzzy.

scavenger hunt, etc.

I just got home from the Krantz, we had a scavenger hunt, my team with Amy,Kev,Holl, and Jeremiah rocked! We got a little distracted by a tickle bump we came across but had tons of fun!

We then went back to the house and ate yummy bbq food and while I napped on the couch the girls played kick ball and the guys played basketball.

Thanks Bro. and Sis. Krantz for the invite :)

my lack of a walk with God being questioned.

I thought I was progressing with my walk with God but the truth is, I didn't even have a walk with God. I figured I was dressing the part(most the time) and doing "right" as in I had stopped hanging out with my drinking friends, I wasn't watching tv but I also noticed I was/am still empty, I still am searching and tormenting myself with finding something to fill the empty space.

My mom actually brought this to my attention and I listenend and I did learn from what she had told me. I'm not going to write it out due to privacy but I know now what I need to do.

I'm afraid of reaching out to God, why would he want me? I have never been able to follow through with things or be open enough to let someone Love me and me Love them back.

I know that things need to change, thats a start.

feeling better

Yesterday was a rough day, I was in bed for 99 percent of it. Today is a better day, I got a steroid shot which helped raise my blood pressure, I was able to clean the kitchen and get dressed,kind of :)

i'm instructed to take my blood pressure every hour for 3 hours and if its still low standing then I will need a steroid infusion but I prayed on my way home from the doc that Lord willing I would feel better and be able to enjoy the weekend!!!

I have to move

Kevin threw a mosquito leg on the ground, how do I know where its at?
at this very moment he has the INSECT in a small bag blowing air into it to keep the thing alive...what a sick sick child.

well, i'm going to attempt a nap in before church and to hide from this kid.

I didn't get that job at the alarm company, oh well. I don't understand, I apply somewhere everyday! I'm swollen today and i'm sad I didn't get that job.

i'm having a very productive day. I also am hiding out at Michelle and Joshua's house because its April 1st tomorrow and Kev tends to be a little scary on this day.

Good news!!!

My dilated pupils!!!

I just got back from the eye doctor and she says my eyes look healthy despite the steroids I am on. The only thing is a month from now I have to get a new prescription! Thank God for that!!!

thank God for insurance

So, I got a bill in the mail today from Oroville Hospital, my jaw dropped when I read the amount.
$52,181.39. Thank God for my medical insurance that will cover 100% of that stay.

a new life

I was once again hospitalized in Oro for some more issues my body came up with, i'm really trying to be positive and have a good outlook on all that is going on.



Good news is i'm off ALL psych meds as of 6 days ago, I have been on them since age 18(now 22) and told I would never be able to live without these medications due to my "diagnosis" well I do know that if God can heal my mom of her cancer on her near death bed he can heal my mind.



I am still on a sleep aid due to the steroids, they cause some insomnia so it helps me sleep when the rest of the world is asleep :)



I feel so good being able to say I take no psychiatric medications and I am doing well without :)

i'm in a bad mood today and I don't know why...

I can make it.

This is me in Vegas. I thought life was so good, I could do whatever I wanted and I did. I had my nose, eyebrow and tongue pierced. I would drink nearly everynight, just living the party life but something was missing and I knew what it was but I remained stubborn. Now several years later I am trying to find my way to God and have such a hard time. God saved my life so many times, I should be dead right now.

He saved me during my 3 suicide attempts and when I was in critical condition unable to breathe on my own. He did so much and I don't understand why I struggle so much to just give in. The emptiness is really starting to get to me, I roam around the house with no direction and I hate it and i'm tired of it.

I am learning with Bro. Krantz help that the past doesn't matter anymore, it doesn't matter what I did or didn't do, it was in the past that I was ridiculed for praying and told I wouldn't make it living for God because I was flakey.

I'm tired of this life and want a new one. With the help of God and Oroville church i'm starting to let those walls down and become what God wants me to be. It may take awhile and i'll mess up but I know that I can make it.

job

So i've put in resumes at like 10 places, no joke, and I finally got an interview on Tuesday. Its for the salvation army as a store clerk. Its not my ideal job but it will be okay for now.

Wish me luck.

Health news: Things are going really well, I have an appt Monday with a surgeon/eye doctor to see about my vision and I will be evaluated for the cataract that is forming in my right eye. Driving has become difficult, I nearly killed my mom and brother last time I drove with them. Noooooooooooo joke.

its almost 9am, i've been up since 7:30, not to bad. My boredom has reached a whole new level, I don't know how to explain it. Doc appt. today, again. I've had way to many this week. I feel like i'm a 22 year old trapped in a 70 year old body.

Good news: Krantz are going to be home tomorrow, which means Holly will be home and I won't be so bored. I think there are holes in our carpet from me pacing the house being bored.
I've managed to keep myself out of trouble and that is something good, considering St. Patty's was Tuesday.

thats all. nothing to interesting.

I kind of think I shouldn't write in my blog unless I have something good to say and maybe something different but nope. I applied for yet another job that seems hopeful, a noc gas station attendant, fun stuff.

Health news: Found a great doctor in Oro and feel really good about him and my medical care. He found the beginnings of a cataract, which explains my worstening eye site, and he told me its going to be a long road getting off steroids, 6 months to a year. At least there is an ending in sight and alot of the problems will correct themselves such as

*steroid induced hyperglycemia
*steroid induced adrenal sufficiancy
*steroid induced cataracts(surgery may be required)
*possible steroid induced osteopenia(dexa scan scheduled)

he's also convinced I still have my appendix though I had that surgery in 2005, he says the ct scan showed my appendix still hanging out...im really confused, I hope he is wrong. I'm sure he is.

enough on that...even I get bored of my own medical stuff.

restlessness is still coming on strong.
sleep is very much needed.

so its about 7:20am and i've been awake since about 4:30am, typical morning for me except I couldn't seem to get ahold of that deep sleep most people get. Even the dogs are still asleep.

job corps emailed me, asking when I would be coming back to the center and I asked them to start the paperwork for me to resign from the program, it takes about 2 weeks to be complete than they will double check with me and put the final paperwork through. Scary stuff! I gave up alot to go to job corps and couldn't even finish that, oh well. Live and Learn.

i'll update more later, maybe i'm finally getting tired!

2 dogs for sale

i'm selling or giving away 2 dogs. Prenamed Frank and Barkley but feel free to rename, dumb and dumber or stupid and stupider, whichever you choose. Frank is a boy but he's confused so you can make him out to be whatever you want for a dog. Barkley is good for an old man or woman, PLEASE take them!!! If people ask where you got them, tell em you found them, i'm not supossed to be getting rid of these "pets."

today...

Today I have

* stayed in my pajamas until 2pm
* changed my clothes at least 3 times
* eaten at least 3 string cheese just to read
the corny jokes on the inside
* seriously considered changing my last name
* felt sad
* considered misbehaving
* spent countless hours with 2 brainless dogs
* realized when I cry over certain things I get a bloody nose
yea, weird, right?

Another loooooooooooooooooooooooong day of nothingness, I met with my cardiologist who was just as frusterated as me with my health, my blood pressure being so up and down and never "normal" he took me off steroids which will just be restarted once my body freaks without them, its just a never ending frustration that seems to always lead to me being ill.

i think maybe my thinking today is clouded, i'm a little down as my youngest sister left town today, i'm missing JC alot and in general don't have a good sense of wellbeing. I have a hard time leaving the house, my face looks like a hairy balloon and I KNOW everybody is seeing that, if it weren't for docs and church I would probably be at home all day with the curtains closed.

out for now.

no title

i'm feeling a little down, I can't seem to get on top of my health, my blood pressure is now running very high as well as my heart rate, something that happened right before my 1st seizure. I'm sure its my nerves, I have alot of fear being away from the hospital and having so many problems.

however, today was productive, went job searching as usual and completed my "to do" list, which is rare for me :) The puffiness of my face is starting to go down which always makes me feel better, I hate looking like an ooompa loompa(sp?) me and H don't even look like twins anymore :(

this is life I guess, one hardship for another?

HOME!!!

So, i'm home. I think I was going on day 10 in the hospital. Way to long and way to frequent stays for me. I think the worst is over though, no more seizures and my tummy is feeling good. I'm bummed I missed church though, guest speaker Bro. Krantz :) was preaching and I missed it.

Sarah's in town, yay!

out for now, i'm tired.

day 7 blues

Its day seven of being a "resident" of Oroville Hospital, I wonder if I should pack all my stuff and bring it to the door step of the hospital. Goal is to be out tomorrow, I had a great day health wise, walking when i'm able and YES complying with the medical staff.

Sarah comes in tonight, i'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited its helping keep the hospital based depression away.

i'm going to sign off because my room-mate is hacking her phlem filled lungs up and its grossing me out and I don't want a piece of her lung to land on me.

thanks again everybody for being there for me, having visitors helps me focus on getting well:)

out for now

ps.
Holl and Sis. K I fixed the title of my last post, maybe yaga was word in German

i'm feeling better yay

Well its 10 o clock pm and i'm writing to you in the hospital. I was admitted in general for some other problem and they by accident found that I had a small bowel obstruction(very painful) I've been here for almost 6 days now and SO ready to go home.

I have had alot of visitors so thank you all for showing your support.

out for now, bathrroom is yelling for me to come visit

wide awake

I'm up early again. Its the first time I slept through the night in awhile. The house is reeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllllllllllll quiet cuz Kev is still asleep which means the dogs are still asleep.

The last few days have been really good, church Sunday was good, there is more to that but i'll save it for later. Me and Kev spent nearly all day in Chico yesterday and I had such a good time with him, he even opened my car door. Does that deserve a man stripe?

Mom news....she's doing GREAT! She's so amazing!!!
me news...my health is struggling a bit, plz keep me in your prayers, my goal is to make it a whole month without a hospital visit!(After I ditch my companion)

job hunting is going ok, i am getting discouraged because I am looking everyday and driving to Paradise and Chico just to turn in a resume, I know the right job will come along though, I just hope its soon. I'm 22...this isn't right for me to not work, i'm giving away my professional stay at home adult award if anybody wants it? Didn't think so.

out for now.

nuts...ugh, totally duh i am

I was discharged from Oroville Hospital today(Sunday) I spent most those 3 days sound asleep, of course it was drug induced as I was put on even more steroids which causes CaRazIness!

Basically we learned I have a condition called Addisson's disease, it means your body doesn't make enough or any of the "things" it needs to function, like your blood sugar, blood pressure and body minerals. I just felt like a truck ran me over, I couldn't stand without getting dizzy and my doc called an ambulance after he couldn't get a reading on the machine.

So, yea. A million needle pokes later and i'm out and feeling good.

boring update

whats new, Kevin is grossing me out. Eating scrammbled eggs and yelling that a beak and the chickens wiry legs are in his mouth.wow. that may have killed my egg eating days.

Other news, Ross doesn't have the budget to hire anybody right now, i'm ok with it because I didn't feel 100% about going back to work there. I need a job so bad though, my poor car needs so much work.

More news. Mom is feeling and looking great!!! She's so amazing!

Monday Monday

I was informed today that Sarah's last official day at job corps would be Wednesday, with many tears and heartache I made the decision that I would stay in Oroville and not return to job corps once my medical leave was up.

She was the main reason I was there, I thought I could make a difference but I didn't. I met alot of cool people at job corps and got really close to my youngest sister during the 4 months I was there. We really were inseperable, same room, most the time same bed. I just feel such a sense of loss right now, almost a type of depression that will fade over time.

Anyway, tomorrow I find out if my old job(Ross) will do a rehire and hire me back to work there. My job title before was cash office associate but i'm thinking I want to be a door agent, you get to stand there in black and look cool, hahahah.

amazed.

ha, I thought this was so cute!!!

I'm amazed at the way things played out tonight. I found myself in the ER again with a fever and severe low blood pressure, apparently my body isn't adjusted to the steroid taper fast enough and these are some of the withdrawal symptoms. I left with a steroid shot(hurt bad)and a prescription for a high dose of steroids, again. I was hoping moonface would go away soon.
I'm a little frustrated with not being able to get off of these things.





Anyway, as soon as I got to the hospital I locked my keys in my car with my purse, so not unusual for me, I wasn't able to get ahold of anyone to take me home for the spare key so 2 very special people ended their night early, mind you its V. day, and came to pick me up.





it left me speechless, really it did.

decisions.

My heart is feeling heavy with the decisions I need to make and they need to be made soon.
I think I know what the right decision is but part of me wants other things.

I feel confused about things and I know this decision is mine alone but I wish somebody else could make it and it be the right thing to do.
((sighs)) This kind of puts my mood in the toilet, I feel very sad.

do you ever wonder?

This reminded me of Sis. Amber...not that she's ever said this, right?

sta sttuuuutR, stutter something profound.

I have all these thoughts but i'm pretty sure they each contradict each other.



I think today we are in the clear, hopefully no rain. It gets the bottom of my pants wet then I have to roll them up and look like a nerd.

Today is a boring day, like most my days. I got up at 8:30 and started my morning ritual. Most the things I do are in rituals...i'm slightly OCD...used to be a major weirdo(still kinda am) but its calmed down ALOT!

I still sanitize my toothbrush and sponges on a daily basis, at night all the mirrors have to be turned down and I check and recheck the locks several times, and the stove but this can be considered just taking extra precautions i'm sure. Kev messes with me and turns the mirrors rightside up but once i'm asleep I have no cares....he doesn't know that yet so i'll let him think he's annoying me :)

I have a good younger brother...aside from his normal kid stuff he's cool. He knows every password of every one of my accounts and I have yet to find any weird changes or things being deleted, amazing! He once duck taped my pillow to the bed though.

Wednesday night in Oroville...good stuffffffffffffff. I miss Chico at times but there is no replacing what we have in Oro. I've never felt this wanted and cared about within a church family. As of now my face is red and I am considering deleting this last paragraph because i'm supossed to be "tough." ha.



out for now.

Wednesday

Today was a better day, I had to make the trip to Chico, again. Doc report, no insulin for now but I have to monitor my blood sugar daily and keep a log. I'm stoked about that, I am such a wimp with needles.

thats about all...I spent the night with my bestest friend Erica last night!!! Mucho Fun.

blah

The day isn't nearly over, i'm sure i'll find myself updating again. My lung function test went well, it showed only signs of moderate/severe asthma but thank God no signs of COPD as they had thought in the beginning!
Steroid taper is starting tomorrow, it is going to take about 1 month to completely get off of them my doc says!Whew, thats a long time!

Krantz are coming for dinner. I guess I should make time for my weekly shower.

other news, i'm having a blah day...I have a headache so I feel irritable but i'll get over it.

Moms blood count is dropping even more!!!!! Yay! Good news for us, no Stanford.

mondays...

Today has been ok. I spent most the day in Chico at various appointments, i'm to lazy and to comfortable to change my things over to Oroville. Doctors appt. today, apparently I have steroid induced diabetes, Wednesday we'll decide if insulin needs to be started, i'm a little bummed that this medicine that is working wonders for my lungs is making my other body parts malfunction...not understanding.

I picked up one of my "adopted" nieces today so she could stay the night, my patience is being practiced :)
had some interesting txt conversations with certain somebodies, the certain somebody is usually right but it doesn't make my decisions easier.

Moms blood count is getting better!!!! Good News!!!

I figured out that my twin sister has a certain body part that I want, now for privacy purposes I won't mention her name but she has this body part that I think is mine really and we should just trade...people do that all the time right? Maybe the hospital had a mess up? You never know, that was back in the 80's...not much medical technology then.

more tomorrow, I have a full lung function test...anybody want to join me?

Missing Sarah

Today i'm annoyed. I don't know if its because i'm not feeling 100% or if its because things really are annoying. I think i'm having steroid withdrawls, for those who don't know i've been on steroids for my asthma, going on 3 months. My poor sister at job corps put up with my constant hunger and my outburst of tears at something so little, like stepping in a puddle.

My mind is kind of preoccupied today with thoughts of job corps, I miss my youngest sister, we were always together, we shared a room and often times at 3am I would wake up to her in my bed because she was cold...job corps is cheap and never used their heaters which was fine by me since I was always having temperature changes from the steroids, we were in the same classes together and if her lunch was switched we always found a way to be together, I think eating alone is a phobia in my family.

I'm waiting on 2 more clearance forms than I can fax them to job corps and they will give me a re-entry date.

On a better note....moms blood count was much better today which means probably no Stanford!!!

In the beginning...

From the beginning...
Name: Jessica Dee Rogers(feel very special you know my middle name)
Age:22
Job:professional stay at home adult(trust me, i'm not proud of this occupation)
Family:I gots me a big O family...well, I have 2 brothers, both strange and unique in their own way and 2 sisters, one happens to be my twin and hers is beautiful even though she is shorter than me and I have another sister who is currently trying to find her own way in life, she will find out its not all that easy without help.

Other:I am currently enrolled in Sacramento Job Corps program, its a residential trade school. Reminds me of half jail, half nut hut. I am on a MSWR...basically i'm "seperated" from the program until I get my act together, which hopefully will be soon.