wide awake

I'm up early again. Its the first time I slept through the night in awhile. The house is reeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllllllllllllllll quiet cuz Kev is still asleep which means the dogs are still asleep.

The last few days have been really good, church Sunday was good, there is more to that but i'll save it for later. Me and Kev spent nearly all day in Chico yesterday and I had such a good time with him, he even opened my car door. Does that deserve a man stripe?

Mom news....she's doing GREAT! She's so amazing!!!
me news...my health is struggling a bit, plz keep me in your prayers, my goal is to make it a whole month without a hospital visit!(After I ditch my companion)

job hunting is going ok, i am getting discouraged because I am looking everyday and driving to Paradise and Chico just to turn in a resume, I know the right job will come along though, I just hope its soon. I'm 22...this isn't right for me to not work, i'm giving away my professional stay at home adult award if anybody wants it? Didn't think so.

out for now.

nuts...ugh, totally duh i am

I was discharged from Oroville Hospital today(Sunday) I spent most those 3 days sound asleep, of course it was drug induced as I was put on even more steroids which causes CaRazIness!

Basically we learned I have a condition called Addisson's disease, it means your body doesn't make enough or any of the "things" it needs to function, like your blood sugar, blood pressure and body minerals. I just felt like a truck ran me over, I couldn't stand without getting dizzy and my doc called an ambulance after he couldn't get a reading on the machine.

So, yea. A million needle pokes later and i'm out and feeling good.

boring update

whats new, Kevin is grossing me out. Eating scrammbled eggs and yelling that a beak and the chickens wiry legs are in his mouth.wow. that may have killed my egg eating days.

Other news, Ross doesn't have the budget to hire anybody right now, i'm ok with it because I didn't feel 100% about going back to work there. I need a job so bad though, my poor car needs so much work.

More news. Mom is feeling and looking great!!! She's so amazing!

Monday Monday

I was informed today that Sarah's last official day at job corps would be Wednesday, with many tears and heartache I made the decision that I would stay in Oroville and not return to job corps once my medical leave was up.

She was the main reason I was there, I thought I could make a difference but I didn't. I met alot of cool people at job corps and got really close to my youngest sister during the 4 months I was there. We really were inseperable, same room, most the time same bed. I just feel such a sense of loss right now, almost a type of depression that will fade over time.

Anyway, tomorrow I find out if my old job(Ross) will do a rehire and hire me back to work there. My job title before was cash office associate but i'm thinking I want to be a door agent, you get to stand there in black and look cool, hahahah.

amazed.

ha, I thought this was so cute!!!

I'm amazed at the way things played out tonight. I found myself in the ER again with a fever and severe low blood pressure, apparently my body isn't adjusted to the steroid taper fast enough and these are some of the withdrawal symptoms. I left with a steroid shot(hurt bad)and a prescription for a high dose of steroids, again. I was hoping moonface would go away soon.
I'm a little frustrated with not being able to get off of these things.





Anyway, as soon as I got to the hospital I locked my keys in my car with my purse, so not unusual for me, I wasn't able to get ahold of anyone to take me home for the spare key so 2 very special people ended their night early, mind you its V. day, and came to pick me up.





it left me speechless, really it did.

decisions.

My heart is feeling heavy with the decisions I need to make and they need to be made soon.
I think I know what the right decision is but part of me wants other things.

I feel confused about things and I know this decision is mine alone but I wish somebody else could make it and it be the right thing to do.
((sighs)) This kind of puts my mood in the toilet, I feel very sad.

do you ever wonder?

This reminded me of Sis. Amber...not that she's ever said this, right?

sta sttuuuutR, stutter something profound.

I have all these thoughts but i'm pretty sure they each contradict each other.



I think today we are in the clear, hopefully no rain. It gets the bottom of my pants wet then I have to roll them up and look like a nerd.

Today is a boring day, like most my days. I got up at 8:30 and started my morning ritual. Most the things I do are in rituals...i'm slightly OCD...used to be a major weirdo(still kinda am) but its calmed down ALOT!

I still sanitize my toothbrush and sponges on a daily basis, at night all the mirrors have to be turned down and I check and recheck the locks several times, and the stove but this can be considered just taking extra precautions i'm sure. Kev messes with me and turns the mirrors rightside up but once i'm asleep I have no cares....he doesn't know that yet so i'll let him think he's annoying me :)

I have a good younger brother...aside from his normal kid stuff he's cool. He knows every password of every one of my accounts and I have yet to find any weird changes or things being deleted, amazing! He once duck taped my pillow to the bed though.

Wednesday night in Oroville...good stuffffffffffffff. I miss Chico at times but there is no replacing what we have in Oro. I've never felt this wanted and cared about within a church family. As of now my face is red and I am considering deleting this last paragraph because i'm supossed to be "tough." ha.



out for now.

Wednesday

Today was a better day, I had to make the trip to Chico, again. Doc report, no insulin for now but I have to monitor my blood sugar daily and keep a log. I'm stoked about that, I am such a wimp with needles.

thats about all...I spent the night with my bestest friend Erica last night!!! Mucho Fun.

blah

The day isn't nearly over, i'm sure i'll find myself updating again. My lung function test went well, it showed only signs of moderate/severe asthma but thank God no signs of COPD as they had thought in the beginning!
Steroid taper is starting tomorrow, it is going to take about 1 month to completely get off of them my doc says!Whew, thats a long time!

Krantz are coming for dinner. I guess I should make time for my weekly shower.

other news, i'm having a blah day...I have a headache so I feel irritable but i'll get over it.

Moms blood count is dropping even more!!!!! Yay! Good news for us, no Stanford.

mondays...

Today has been ok. I spent most the day in Chico at various appointments, i'm to lazy and to comfortable to change my things over to Oroville. Doctors appt. today, apparently I have steroid induced diabetes, Wednesday we'll decide if insulin needs to be started, i'm a little bummed that this medicine that is working wonders for my lungs is making my other body parts malfunction...not understanding.

I picked up one of my "adopted" nieces today so she could stay the night, my patience is being practiced :)
had some interesting txt conversations with certain somebodies, the certain somebody is usually right but it doesn't make my decisions easier.

Moms blood count is getting better!!!! Good News!!!

I figured out that my twin sister has a certain body part that I want, now for privacy purposes I won't mention her name but she has this body part that I think is mine really and we should just trade...people do that all the time right? Maybe the hospital had a mess up? You never know, that was back in the 80's...not much medical technology then.

more tomorrow, I have a full lung function test...anybody want to join me?

Missing Sarah

Today i'm annoyed. I don't know if its because i'm not feeling 100% or if its because things really are annoying. I think i'm having steroid withdrawls, for those who don't know i've been on steroids for my asthma, going on 3 months. My poor sister at job corps put up with my constant hunger and my outburst of tears at something so little, like stepping in a puddle.

My mind is kind of preoccupied today with thoughts of job corps, I miss my youngest sister, we were always together, we shared a room and often times at 3am I would wake up to her in my bed because she was cold...job corps is cheap and never used their heaters which was fine by me since I was always having temperature changes from the steroids, we were in the same classes together and if her lunch was switched we always found a way to be together, I think eating alone is a phobia in my family.

I'm waiting on 2 more clearance forms than I can fax them to job corps and they will give me a re-entry date.

On a better note....moms blood count was much better today which means probably no Stanford!!!

In the beginning...

From the beginning...
Name: Jessica Dee Rogers(feel very special you know my middle name)
Age:22
Job:professional stay at home adult(trust me, i'm not proud of this occupation)
Family:I gots me a big O family...well, I have 2 brothers, both strange and unique in their own way and 2 sisters, one happens to be my twin and hers is beautiful even though she is shorter than me and I have another sister who is currently trying to find her own way in life, she will find out its not all that easy without help.

Other:I am currently enrolled in Sacramento Job Corps program, its a residential trade school. Reminds me of half jail, half nut hut. I am on a MSWR...basically i'm "seperated" from the program until I get my act together, which hopefully will be soon.