i'm so angry right now for all the wrong reasons. Could be lack of sleep mixed with other emotions, i'm not sure yet.

wired and ready

i'm wired. its 6:12am and I have yet to sleep. I surprise drove to Oro and brought my sister breakfast before work, I didn't realize she had another almost 2 hours to sleep...oops.

so i'm wired and ready

being approachable

I always want to be somebody who is approachable, meaning, if somebody needs/wants anything they can always come to me...anyway...my train of thoughts are out of whack at the moment.

Job corps......hmmmm. Well, my 6 month leave is up July 21st, 1 day before my birthday and things just aren't going as planned, plus, I want to be a normal 23 year old college student and not somebody living in a makeshift prison called job corps and learning something I won't be doing forever.

i'm just without direction, I think thats my problem. Other news, I got to spend time with Holly today and LOVED every minute of it!!! She has been so supportive, she is approachable...I feel like I spelled that word wrong...hm, oh well. Its almost 9 and my bed time :)

leaving NorCal

l made the decision to move to Vacaville to be with my youngest sister. I miss her so very much and though I have family and friends here in norcal I feel a move would be good.

I know this quote is nothing new but I realized how true it is "the only thing constant in life is change" and this made me realize that I need to just buck up and deal with change. I've had so much of it within the last month that its making me crazy!

Once again i'd like to give a shout out to my sis Hollyanna...I miss you, like alot alot alot. Same with Kev and mom. I Love you guys!

I'm crying as I type this and can barely see the computer screen, I wish that I hadn't of messed up so badly but things happen and people mess up and once again I just need to buck up and deal with the consequences of my actions.

missing you...

well for those of you who don't know I ended up in the hospital for 7 days...there was fluid around my heart and it pushed my potassium up to 8...the doctor said he'd seen somebody die at a 6 from a heart attack and that it was a true miracle I was still alive. I had a stay in ICU and then to the step down critical care unit DCU then was released with a clean bill of health...I wish.

enough about that...i've lost alot of things and I don't know how to get them back. Alot of people. My world feels like its caving and i'm afraid of where its leading. I miss my family so very much, every one of them.

JC is getting closer, a few more weeks and I should be back but that doesn't change much. Except i'll have direction in my life.

ALL I want right now really is my sister...thats all.

more of an update.

I guess I should make time for a real update.

Going back to JC is getting closer and closer, i'm just waiting for the red tape to clear. Then wait for a bed to open and Wala, i'm back. I can't believe its been almost 6 months since i've been there. I remember when they put me on the medical leave I swore I would be back in a few weeks, nope, things change, things happen.

I've been out of the hospital for 4 days now and counting. My goal is to not go back at all. I'm still having some tummy problems but were dealing with that on an outpatient basis. I'm embarassed the doctors and all the nurses and staff know my name and face, thats no joke.

It was the Krantz official last day at Oroville church on Sunday, i'll miss them greatly but to know they aren't out of my life completely gives me comfort...or i'd stalk Bro. Krantz until I found him....heheheh.

I have to say he's been like a father to me, a wonderful Pastor and someone who cares when I haven't heard from my own dad in weeks. I am so very thankful for that.

Things are confusing right now, the fact that God is never changing and is always there gives me great comfort, one I could use right now.

thats all for now. I'm going to go back to surfing funny icons.

none for me thanks.

I won't be getting swine flu.